Monthly Archives: July 2011

Outback Travellers Meet a Passer-by Under the Literary Nonsense Sky

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A Toot and a Snore in '74, the 1992 bootleg album

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The fabulous five outback travellers
were sitting on the grass dividers
after eating their fill of bubble and squeak,
when a practitioner of literary nonsense did unto them speak.

‘I can tell you all you need to know
if you’ll just open your door
I promise not to induce a snore
my presentation is not a bore
It’s guaranteed to make you say cor!
and my jokes will raise a haw-haw
It has not once started a war
or been considered against the law
All the donkeys have exclaimed e-oh
and most dogs have clapped at least one paw
The coldest ice maidens it did thaw
and even beavers stopped their gnaw
Once I told it on the sea-shore
and the waves kept coming back for more
So what do you think my travelling four
are you ready for my rock n’ roar?’

The passer-by looked at us
after ending the recital syllabus.

‘I said I thought they were mistaken,
because there was no door,
and we were five,
not four.’

The passer-by looked all shocked and awe,
before declaring me a talking door.

‘No,’ said I,
‘I’ve just eaten too much
bubble and squeak,
my body has now widened
and my fur resembles teak.’

Body, Mind and Spirit.. and Bonz Think Melbourne

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Bubble and squeak with sauteed chestnut mushrooms

Image by WordRidden via Flickr

Tension
is no fun
when bubble
and squeak
is on the line.

The Mind

We thought how Gillian Taylforth might be connected to Mel Gibson, but couldn’t think of any obvious codes or similarities, and then Angry suggested that the city might not really be called Gillian Taylforth.

The Spirit

I remembered then that I had indeed renamed it before we arrived, but couldn’t for the sake of me remember any other name for it.  I felt dejected, but then Cathy gave a pep talk to raise our spirits.

The Body

Then Elle said she’d rush back into the city to find out the name.  So she sprinted back to the edge, and when she returned said it was really called Melbourne.  It had been a good use of her body.

The Bonz

It was great team work; utilising body, mind and spirit in the nick of minute.

But it confused the second question, because Melbourne sounded like it could well have been named after the birth of Mel Gibson.

I put this to the team, hoping Angry would continue his good mind form, when  Bonzo piped up: ‘Oh, Melbourne, that’s easy, I grew up here.  No, it wasn’t named after Mel Gibson, it was after that pommie guy, William Lamb – 2nd Viscount Melbourne.  Mel Gibson was in fact born in New York.’

We all looked at Bonzo in amazement, before giving him a big hug.

The Tucker

We gave the answers to Holly Valance, and she said:

‘You had your chance
and now you can hanch
on my best and scrumptious
bubble and squeak.’

We tucked in.

Holly Valance Halts Our Advance with a Game of Chance

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Holly Valance scored number one with Kiss Kiss...

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We said goodbye to the Easy Riders on the edge of Gillian Taylforth, and walked into Niddrie, in the middy, before heading out to the northern suburbs.  We relaxed awhile in Sunbury, but were told food was scarce by a honey bee, so we continuing northerly.

Holly Valance‘s Bubble and Squeak Riddle at Riddells Creek

We were getting rather peckish by the time we got to Riddells Creek, and so we were delighted to see the Holly Valance Best and Scrumptious Bubble and Squeak stall on the side of the road.

We asked how much it was for the fine looking fayre on offer, and Holly Valance replied with a jolly riposte that they were free, but we had to take a challenge or three.

Travelling Tribe Accept the Valance Challenge

We replied that we had faced many challenges on our epic journey, so one or three more was not as daunting a prospect as they might have been a year ago.

Holly Valance said that was great to hear.  Then she set our challenge, asking what was the name of the city we had just been in, and was it named such because Mel Gibson was born there.

Bubble and Squeak Speak

We got in a huddle,
over a squeaky puddle,
ready to answer the Valance
knowing we could leave nothing to chance
for our bellies were starting to rumbles
and our legs felt like a couple of bubbles.

Easy Riders on the Road to Gillian Taylforth

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Melbourne's skyline in 1959, along the Yarra R...

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We picked ourselves out of the gutter
without much sound; just a mutter
and a sigh, as to Geelong we said goodbye.

‘Where do we go now,
where do we go from here’,
Bonzo said sweetly, like a child o’ time.

I said Melbourne was just north
and from this time henceforth
we would call it Gillian Taylforth.

‘Onwards to Gillian Taylforth then
the time is already half past ten,’
cried Angry with zest n’ zen.

A pied piper from the gates of dawn
led us north to Hamlyn Heights
before a nice chap called Cornholio
showed us the way to Corio.

Lara gave us a lift to Avalon
where we joined the M1
Cocoroc was a tasty treat
listening to music while you eat.

A green fellow called Kermit
helped us across Hoppers Crossing
before we got an easy ride with Dennis
and his buddies Peter and Jack
all the way to Gillian Taylforth.

Tale of The Duck Billed Platypus Makes Angry Angry

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Duck Billed Platypus Schnabeltier

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The Tale of the Duck-Billed Platypus Tail

Angry showed some sign of life
feeling his head, he murmured
‘strewth, what strife!’

He looked over to us
with the eyes of a rooster
and asked what occurred in the boozer.

Bonzo looked at him
with knowing eyes
and a dog-eared smile.

‘Do you remember the platypus?’
Bonzo enquired,
as if already knowing the answer.

‘No’ replied Angry
with a worried look
growing on his face.

‘And the Duck and Drake?’
furthered Bonzo,
now certain of Angry’s response.

‘Not at all’
was Angry’s
predictable retort.

‘Can somebody or something
please tell me what the heck
occurred last night’ Angry said angrily.

‘Well’ said Bonzo,
‘there was a platypus in the bar
last night, just enjoying a drink.’

Bonzo took a breath, and a sip of water,
taking his time to remember and  recount the tale,
as I think he wanted to get it right the first time.

‘And there was a duck behind the bar.
They seemed to know each other,
and were getting along fine until
the duck gave the platypus its bill.’

‘But what’s that got to do with me?’
exclaimed Angry, sounding more
impatient than angry.

‘Well,’ continued Bonzo,
‘The platypus went a little loco
and started raging at the duck
saying it was some kind of quack
and that it couldn’t have drunk that much.’

‘It took a swing with one of its otter feet
and then you dived in and shouted ‘duck’
to the duck.’

‘Then the platypus steadied itself before
launching its beaver’s tail
and before you had time to inhale
your head received the return flail.’

Angry looked astonished, before
asking Bonzo what happened next.

Bonzo paused, as if looking inward
into the mind.  Then he shrugged,
and said ‘Dunno mate, the drake
chucked me out.’

Meeting Thee VB is an Unforgettable Experiencey

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Australian 375 ml stubbie

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So Long Geelong, Thee VB Ode Memories 

Waking up in tin can alley
overlooking metal valley
I wondered where we were
the previous night a blur
Angry had a bruised head
Bonzo was painted red
Elle’s hair was all a mess
Cathy looked like Queen Bess
I was lying across the yard
like an out dated discard
Then Cathy recounted the night before
and how we’d all jumped around the floor
After meeting a fine Victorian beer
VB was our friend for life but not without fear
for it could taste so delicious on a hot day
that your mind and body’d lose their way.

Angry Bonzo Rock Geelong with Were Song

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Monuments in St. Stephen's churchyard in Kirks...

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We left Port Fairy just as the sun was rising, giving it a magical luminosity.  We passed through Kirkstall before flying through Hawkesdale, and then down to Simpson.  I thought our ol’ friends the Simpsons might make an appearance there, but there was no sign of them.

Spirit of Running

Cathy led the pace along the south coast, and we all tried to keep up.  Her spirits seemed to be lifting as she sped along at a brisk pace.  We stopped for tea at a hotel called Fawlty Towers in Torquay.  It reminded me of the hotel we stayed in during our time on the wonderful island of  Tasmania.

The owner, who introduced himself as Mr. Fawlty, the most popular comedy character ever according to Channel Four in the UK.

He seemed quite proud of himself then, but it didn’t last long, as I asked for a werewolf salad, and he didn’t seem to know how to make one.  I told him it was similar to a Waldorf salad, and he seemed to work it out then.

We enjoyed the south coast snack.

Geelong is GGood for a Sing-Song 

We headed north-east then to Geelong, which reminded me of Green and me when we are together, because our initials are a sort of long gee: a GG.

We found a nice tavern on Corio Bay, which was so nice Bonzo exclaimed cor.

Angry Bonzo got up on stage for their first performance in a while, and the rest of us had a nice time listening to their fine tunes.

They wrote one song inspired by my recent werewolf poem, and the chorus went something like this:

Be Wary of Berries but not Wereies

Beware?
Be wary?
No.
Aware of bees?
Bears or berries?
No, be a were.

Werewolf Poetry as Travellers Leave Shire

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Map of Victoria/Australia, LGA of Moyne Shire ...

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Port Fairy and the Cathy spirit seemed to work wonders on the MM Moby, and it soon returned to health.  It also looked relieved of stress, which probably resulted from it feeling it no longer had to battle its monotonous nemesis…at least for now.

Helping MM Moby also seemed to revive Cathy, and she looked much more spirited afterwards.

Briefing on the Battle of Bass Strait 

MM Moby said he believed that we had won a major victory in our journey around Oz, and that our destination was now in sight.

The addition of the Cathy spirit was also a strengthener that would surely help us ward off any evil intentions from the monotonous monotheist.

We Leave the Shire of Moyne and Say Goodbye to MM Moby

After we’d fully recuperated, and felt well again after the epic battle, we knew it was time to leave Port Fairy and the Shire of Moyne, and also say farewell to MM Moby for now.

MM Moby said he felt we would meet again before our journey’s end, and reminded us to remain aware, as more dangers lay ahead.

Ending on a Werewolf Poem

MM Moby’s final words inspired another of my rambling poems, and I’d like to share it with you to end the blog:

We’re Were Aware

Be aware where you are
Be a were wherever you are?
Be a were and aware.